Tag Archives: friends

Are we dating, or just Friends With Benefits?

8 Nov

If you’ve very recently started dating somebody new and, while you’re cosied up together on a rainy Sunday afternoon flicking through Sky Movies, he suggests watching the Mila Kunis vs. Justin Timberlake rom-com Friends With Benefits, this should not be taken too literally. Should it?

I mean, we have a great time together when we see each other. Which, due to the fact he lives in London and I live 130 miles away, has only been twice in the last month after our initial hook-up. That’s fine, it’s good to not rush it. But I guess what’s bugging me is that he doesn’t get in touch in between dates. He doesn’t text to see what I’m up to at the weekend, or just to say hey. In other words, he doesn’t text just for the sake of it. He is a man with reason, who only texts to arrange the next time to meet up. I, however, am quite a fan of exchanging perfunctory texts with a new beau. It shows you’ve been thinking about them, or vice versa.

Just the other day, for example, I texted a photo of the book I just started reading. In hindsight this may have been a mistake, because the book in question is Jon Ronson’s The Psychopath Test. “I’ll let you know how you score” I wrote, with a winky face ;) to make it clear I was joking and didn’t really think he was a psychopath. “Crikey!” he wrote back. “Could you let me know how you score too? Xx” Two kisses – but no winky face. Shit. He thinks I could be a psychopath and that’s why he only wants us to be Friends With Benefits. Just like Kunis and Timerlake, only with less witty one-liners and more post-graduate debt.

A close encounter with an old friend

30 Sep

Ladies and gents, I have an announcement to make. I am smitten. The sort of smitten that compels you to re-read your lover’s text messages until you can quote them verbatim and leaves you smiling like a goon at nothing in particular. And like all the best romantic encounters, this one arrived completely out of the blue.

On Friday I was in London for a conference, which turned out to be excruciatingly dull. Afterwards I’d arranged to meet a couple of friends from university in London, where I was a postgrad student three years ago. (I’d invited more people, but I’d forgotten that everyone in the City seems to need at least a month’s notice in order to meet for a few drinks.) So in the end it was just me , H and T, two of the guys I used to hang out a lot with when I was living in London. I’d had a huge crush on T throughout the year we were at uni together, but he had a girlfriend he’d been with forever, or at least five years, which might as well be forever to someone who cant seem to hold a relationship longer than 18 months.

T finished work early and met me at the tube station in Angel with a big hug and a kiss on the cheek. He is really tall, 6ft 3″, and I’m only 5ft 3″ so he had to bend down quite a lot to do that. We went to a pub in Angel and even though I hadn’t seen him for more than a year and had been worried that maybe the conversation might dry up, we talked all afternoon. T is very intelligent and very witty but he’s also VERY cute in a slightly goofy, skinny-boy sort of way, with dark hair, hazel eyes and an enormous smile. He also mentioned that he’d broken up with his girlfriend earlier this year. A couple of hours later H arrived and we all went to a Turkish restaurant, then onto a bar. By this time I’d already missed the train that work had booked me onto, but I figured I’d just get the last train home at 10pm. But when 10pm came, we were still having a good time and the whiskey sours were in full flow.
“I don’t want to go!” I said.
“So don’t then,” said H.
“The only way that would work is if I can stay with one of you guys…”
“You can stay with me,” said T, quite quickly.

Even then, I didn’t think anything of it. I have a lot of guy friends and stay over sometimes just as I would at a girl friend’s house. I didn’t think anything of it when we’d said our goodbyes and T and I were on the tube, and he put an arm around my shoulder. Because it was just a friendly arm around the shoulder, right? And then we got back to his and we were both sitting on the bed and for a few moments there was this slightly loaded, slightly awkward silence, which I opted to break by pulling the duvet over his head. And that’s when he kissed me.

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