Tag Archives: men

This blog is back

28 Sep

…Yes it’s been a long time coming, and for that I apologise, but the truth is things have been kind of busy here at FSB towers.

In a nutshell:

* I quit my horrible job, and am now freelance. It’s only been two months, but things are picking up. And I’m a zillion times happier to be out of that hellhole.

* I’m now 30 and still living at home with my mum and step-dad. Despite this not being an ideal situation for man-hunting,  it’s vastly improved by the infinite supply of wine and the fact that they’ve let me convert the spare room into an office. Plus, to be honest, with most of my mates now coupled off or living on the other side of the country, it beats living on my own.  (Yeah it’s not cool to admit it, but I actually get on with my folks.)

* I had a mis-advised attempt to resurrect my ‘thing’ (we didn’t have enough dates to warrant calling it a relationship) with T.  in London earlier this year, resulting in us going for dinner, him apologising for being a shit, us having a very public mega-snog in a bar (cringe) and me sneaking him back to my very tiny hotel room. Did he call me afterwards? Did he fuck.

* I had (another) mis-advised attempt to resurrect my relationship (yes I am capable) with my ex after a weekend of amazing ex-sex at a mutual friend’s wedding. Attempts to rekindle anything other than sex have, unfortunately, not been very encouraging.
Most recently (i.e. in the last few weeks) I’ve had a couple of dates with a guy in Bristol that snogged in a bar last year.  We lost touch but when I recently changed my phone number and sent a text to all my contacts to let them know, he replied and we ended up exchanging a quick-fire series of flirtatious messages every day for about three weeks. We had two dates that (I thought) went well, then last weekend we were both a festival with our own friends and arranged to meet, except he never showed up and didn’t reply to my texts (I only sent two, I’m not a mad stalker bunny).

When he called me to apologise (a couple of days later) it turns out he bumped into an ex and spent the whole night chatting to her. Apparently they had “lots to sort out” but there was nothing “dodgy” to it and I have “nothing to worry about”. Whatever. I’m not the jealous sort and if a guy bumps into an ex he hasn’t seen for a while and wants to catch up that’s fine, but the whole night? While the new girl he’s dating is in the same area, wondering why her texts are being ignored and getting increasingly pissed off?  I don’t think so.

Anyway it’s his loss. I was even wearing my special “third date” knickers.

I get the break-up blues

3 Oct

I can’t find my favourite coat. It’s a navy blue duffle coat with wooden togs and I wear it all the time, or at least I did before I lost it. I’ve asked around my family and friends but no one has seen it. And so, as a last resort, I text my ex.

“Hi, did I by any chance leave a navy duffle coat at your house? Cant find it anywhere! Hope things are good with you x”

An hour later he texts back: “Oh hello. I know the coat you mean, but it isn’t here. I hope things are good with you too! x”

But I want to know more. I want to know how his new job is going and if he ever managed to pass his degree (after failing it twice). I want to know if his annoying housemate ever moved out and I want to tell him some of the things about my holiday that I’d been looking forward to sharing when I was away, but then never did because he dumped me right out of the blue. I don’t want the the last time we ever see each other to be when he was driving in circles around the centre of Birmingham and I was in the passenger seat in tears because my airport transfer was set to leave in less than two minutes and we couldn’t find the bus stop because he refused to use the bloody satnav.

So I text back: “Ahh that’s too bad, I think it’s lost :( I have a couple of your books and a t-shirt that I can drop round next time I’m in Bristol if you like?”

To which he replies: “No it’s ok, take them to a charity shop if you don’t want them. Take care x”

I hate that phrase “take care”. It always sounds so much more final than “goodbye”. It’s what people always say when they know they’re never going to see you again.

And now I feel unexpectedly very sad. Not because I think we made a good couple, because we most definitely did not. I feel sad because we never got to say a proper goodbye. My sister thinks that it’s a bad idea and that if I saw him again we’d just end up sleeping together or arguing, or both. She’s probably right. But even so, I find it hard to accept that always when a relationship ends there’s never a chance to say all of the things you really want to say.
Like, I actually never cheated on you.
And, I think you need therapy for your jealousy issues.
And, do you KNOW how many times I paid for dinner?

Even so, I should probably stop sleeping in his old t-shirt.

A close encounter with an old friend

30 Sep

Ladies and gents, I have an announcement to make. I am smitten. The sort of smitten that compels you to re-read your lover’s text messages until you can quote them verbatim and leaves you smiling like a goon at nothing in particular. And like all the best romantic encounters, this one arrived completely out of the blue.

On Friday I was in London for a conference, which turned out to be excruciatingly dull. Afterwards I’d arranged to meet a couple of friends from university in London, where I was a postgrad student three years ago. (I’d invited more people, but I’d forgotten that everyone in the City seems to need at least a month’s notice in order to meet for a few drinks.) So in the end it was just me , H and T, two of the guys I used to hang out a lot with when I was living in London. I’d had a huge crush on T throughout the year we were at uni together, but he had a girlfriend he’d been with forever, or at least five years, which might as well be forever to someone who cant seem to hold a relationship longer than 18 months.

T finished work early and met me at the tube station in Angel with a big hug and a kiss on the cheek. He is really tall, 6ft 3″, and I’m only 5ft 3″ so he had to bend down quite a lot to do that. We went to a pub in Angel and even though I hadn’t seen him for more than a year and had been worried that maybe the conversation might dry up, we talked all afternoon. T is very intelligent and very witty but he’s also VERY cute in a slightly goofy, skinny-boy sort of way, with dark hair, hazel eyes and an enormous smile. He also mentioned that he’d broken up with his girlfriend earlier this year. A couple of hours later H arrived and we all went to a Turkish restaurant, then onto a bar. By this time I’d already missed the train that work had booked me onto, but I figured I’d just get the last train home at 10pm. But when 10pm came, we were still having a good time and the whiskey sours were in full flow.
“I don’t want to go!” I said.
“So don’t then,” said H.
“The only way that would work is if I can stay with one of you guys…”
“You can stay with me,” said T, quite quickly.

Even then, I didn’t think anything of it. I have a lot of guy friends and stay over sometimes just as I would at a girl friend’s house. I didn’t think anything of it when we’d said our goodbyes and T and I were on the tube, and he put an arm around my shoulder. Because it was just a friendly arm around the shoulder, right? And then we got back to his and we were both sitting on the bed and for a few moments there was this slightly loaded, slightly awkward silence, which I opted to break by pulling the duvet over his head. And that’s when he kissed me.

I get dumped – for NOT being unfaithful

2 Sep

“I’ve been kind of dreading this call,” he said.

I groaned. But hadn’t I seen it coming? Hadn’t I been mentally rehearsing my break-up speech on the 12-hour flight home from Sri Lanka only a day earlier? Had I bought him a sweet but inexpensive souvenir gift that I could easily palm off on somebody else just in case we split up? Hadn’t I spilled my guts out to my friends on holiday about how his jealous streak was out of control, Continue reading

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