Tag Archives: work

Double fail: I get rejected for my dream job AND I get dumped

16 Dec

I haven’t written anything on here for a month. But in my defence, it’s been a really tough, shitty month.

I got an interview for my dream job at a national newspaper, a place I interned at while I was at university and have been desperate to get my foot back in the door there ever since. I cancelled all my plans – including an annual trip to see my oldest and bestest girlfriends and a Beth Orton concert with my sister – and spent a week solidly prepping for it.

The interview went well, or so I thought. Then last week I got a rejection email. Apparently I was a “very strong candidate” but some of my answers were not quite “specific enough”. I spent the rest of the day at work with a smile so fixed it felt like my face might crack and then bawled my eyes out in the car on the way home for the entire 45 minute journey, with nothing to dry my tears and wipe my snotty nose except the gross yellow duster I use to clean my windscreen.

The annoying thing is, the job was nothing I hadn’t done before in previous roles. I think perhaps nerves got the better of me at the interview and I rambled a bit. I should have popped two Beta Blockers beforehand instead of one. Or maybe three.

Then today I got dumped. For the second time this year.

I was due to go and see T. in London this weekend, and when I texted him to see what train I should book, he called me. I figured something was wrong because he never calls me, he only ever texts. We chatted for a bit about our weekend and I started to think I was just being paranoid as he was being perfectly normal. Then I decided to bite the bullet and asked if he still wanted me to visit.

To cut a long story short, he likes me but he doesn’t want to lead me on; he’s not sure he’s ready for this to get more serious as he just got out of an eight year relationship earlier this year; he drunkenly kissed another girl a couple of weeks ago (!) and feels really guilty about it, if I’d got the job at the national newspaper things might be different because I’d be moving to London but keeping things going long distance feels like a lot of pressure, blah, blah, blah.

The thing is, he was so nice about it that I actually ended up consoling him. “It doesn’t matter that you kissed someone else because we’d never really talked about what was going on between us” … “If you’re not comfortable with this then I’d rather you say so now rather than stringing me along” … “Thanks for being honest with me”… “Don’t worry, I’m not half as devastated as I was about the job”….

I am a fool and a push-over and right now it feels like I’m destined to be single and stuck in a job that’s about as creatively fulfilling as peeling onions with a spoon FOREVER.

Should I break-up with my job?

14 Nov

God I hate my job. I’ve been there six months now and I’m still not really sure what it is they hired me to do. Something to do with attending lots of meetings and putting together lengthy proposals for business development which are subsequently rejected if they require any sort of monetary investment. The actual job I applied for must have been a work of fiction because it is NOTHING like I expected. Even worse, my boss thinks it’s perfectly reasonable to call me ‘flower’. And yesterday, when I asked him where I could find the projector for a presentation I had to give, he stood up and rolled his eyes and told me to “follow Uncle Will”, which is not only massively fucking condescending but also creepy and weird. But hey, nothing like a bit of nonchalant office sexism to make you feel valued at work!

I know it doesn’t look great to a new employer if I look for a new job so soon but what else can I do when, day by day, I can feel my creative brain cells dying a slow and painful death. Yes I have a lot of responsibility, but no actual authority to change the way things really work. It’s a media organisation ffs, and people are still talking about Twitter like it’s something that’s been beamed down from outer space. The money is good but that’s about the only thing I really like about my job, which seems pretty shallow. Is it unrealistic to expect to actually enjoy going to work, at least sometimes? Or to feel fulfilled by what you do? I think finding the right job is a bit like finding the right man. When you find one that’s a good fit you feel happy and inspired, but sometimes – despite your best efforts – you have to admit you’re just not on the same wavelength. I just don’t want my CV to make me look like a slag.

Ps. Thanks to those blogs that have nominated me for the Liebster Blog Award, I promise to get round to doing a post on this next week!

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